Tentatively, I'm back.

I don't know if it's the anticipation or anxiety about this weekend, but I'm back! At least, for now. I think I'm doing better. I feel that I am anyway. There's still hurt and confusion. My heart is still throbbing and it feels like something is missing, but I think I'm distracting myself enough that I am getting there. And that is such a good thing!

My shop engineer told the CEO, president, and visiting engineers that I'm "fairly new, but already one of our best techs", one of my inspectors gave me his avionics test equipment and gear, and my instructor has been continuously impressed by me... Or so he says. He claims my composite wing shows real craftsmanship and if the industry wasn't hurting for avionics, he'd suggest I go into composites, I'd make bank apparently.

Besides the emotional baggage, the only real issue I have is I randomly developed trigger finger (?), but that can be solved with simple surgery and I'll be good as new.

Nothing is perfect and, as I said, my heart is still in so many stages of grief, but my head is clearing up. Someone once told me "Why worry yourself over things you can't change?". Seems ridiculous to me, because anxiety and depression, that's why, but I get and appreciate the sentiment behind the words.

I'm hoping to write some of my bad and intrusive thoughts on paper this weekend when I have alone time in the Airbnb, to keep me busy at night, and I don't know what I plan on doing with it once I'm done, but I'll figure it out. I'm not "moving on", but I am calming myself... Ish. I'm working on accepting things as they are, and maybe hoping a little for change.

No matter what happens, or what comes next, I'll keep on keeping on. I have no choice. And I'm working on being ok with the choices made for me.